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Archive for the ‘Capitalism’ Category

I am sick to death of AT&T and their ‘low prices’ on DSL! The SOB’s advertise it for 14.99 a month, but, low and behold, every single time I call to them to ask about it, the suckers ALWAYS say, “This is not available in your area.” ARG

I pay 39.99 for AT&T DSL. The SAME DSL they offer ‘new customers’ for 14.99 a month! What the hell’s the deal? I am sick to death of ‘new customers’ getting all the ‘deals’. And I am sick to death of being told the offer is ‘not available’ in my area. WTF? What area IS this DSL available in – Siberia? And why do people who have absolutely NO LOYALTY to the company get the good deals? GRRRRR

AT&T has me, though, and they know it. If I don’t use their DSL service, I have to use dial-up, because no one else offers DSL where I live. (I live 3/4 of a mile out of town and that’s too far!) They had better be glad, though, because if there WERE other services available, I’d tell them, “KISS MY WHITE ASS!!!!”

Boss Brat

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Hey idiot,

What the hell, Mike? It’s not like you’re ever on time either, so shut your crap hole. Your son doesn’t do anything around here either (which is still better than you), so who fucking cares if he’s late? Really… shut… up. You probably have a gazillion price quotes to do, so get out of this room you lazy-ass old fart. Leave the support room… this is where the intelligent people sit.

It’s like the cool bench at school, except you’re so not cool that sitting anywhere on campus is too good for you. Get the hell out of here and do some work or just freaking retire you freaking moron. You really want to know why we’re losing clients? It’s because you’re a moron and you keep lying to them, making promises you can’t keep, insulting them, trying to explain things you can’t, failing to clearly explain things a 2 year old could, rambling on about how you want to change the world but can’t, making prejudice comments, offering them our services for free, and being so nice to the lead programmer here that he has never once felt inclined to listen to a single thing you’ve said.

About 10% of your ideas are good ones at best, but you don’t have the management skills to put their development into action – you own the damn company, for the love of potatoes, just tell your employees what you want them to do. Telling your son to pick up food from McDonald’s on the way because he’s already late is not managing your employees. It is, in fact, making your employee later. Why are you so incompetent?

Go away, and never come back. A vast vacuum of space could fill your seat more appropriately than you do. Frick off.

Richard

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Joe Bauer, real estate humanitarian 

Things are so bad now for real estate license holders ( which everyone and their brother is) with homes not selling for years and sellers refusing to accept that the home price gold rush madness is over and ignoring their realtors pleas that they should start dropping these laughed at asking prices…

That I think it is time to start real estate salesperson soup serving kitchens in the most crashing areas.

I mean these people are devastated. The most depressed group I have seen in years. Many practically have tears in their eyes when I see and ask them how it’s going.

Can’t someone get these started?

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Dear AT&T,

I was just wondering if these “technical difficulties” your website AND your automated bill pay system are experiencing are just a ploy to get people to pay you more money. The past several times that I’ve tried to pay my bill online, your website has been down. “Temporarily Unavailable” my ass. I decide to dial *729 like you’ve told me to do in the past, in order to pay my bill on the phone. Oh guess what?! It’s temporarily unavailable as well. Imagine that.

I work funky shifts and I SWEAR to God every time I even think about going to pay my bill at a regular store it’s fucking closed. I don’t know if it’s the area I live in or what, but the damn thing is only open for 5 minutes a day. No matter what time I go to work, how early I get off, it’s ALWAYS closed. How am I supposed to give you my money? I really wish these technical difficulties meant that I didn’t have to pay my bill, but I’m sure you’ll still find a way to cut me off. And no, I’m not sending you a check. You’ll cut it off before it gets to you and charge me a $36 reconnection fee, and frankly I’m not down with that.

Speaking of which, thanks for cutting my phone off on my birthday last month because I was 2 days late, that was real sweet of you. I was starting to think all of my friends and family had forgotten about me. Way to ruin my birthday.

You know, AT&T, you’re real full of yourself. Ever since you merged with Cingular and got that shiny new iPhone, you just think you’re the shit. Well, screw you. I have better things to do with my money……..

Lucky for you I’m addicted to text messaging.

*sigh* Tiffany

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Dear McDonalds’ down the street,

CURSE YOU for your irresistible summer special of 69 cents for a 42 oz. soft drink. I would not grace your terrible facility with my presence for any other reason, but you SEEMED a quick and convenient stop for an extra-large “Pibb Xtra” on my way to a friend’s.

When the young woman in front of me waited over a minute to place her order, I should have known. However, at the time I believed that the mistake was hers: she was driving a mini-cooper and I thought perhaps she had not pulled up fully to your insidious order-placing speakerbox. When she started saying “Hello??” angrily, I thought that was it was her fault.

However, the joke was on me, because after your dim-witted employee took her order and then mine, I waited an additional FOURTEEN minutes while your sorry excuse of a staff, even for a shithole McDonald’s, attended to the orders of a stupid-ass truck who needed eight of those minutes, then a mini-van full of bouncing rug-rats, and eventually Genius Miss Mini, before I handed over my $0.74 and received my beverage.

These people in front of me actually wanted McDonald’s for dinner in the first place, so they’re not expecting anything of quality – you don’t have to throw-away-and-remake their food just because some shithead high school dropout working the french-fryer couldn’t help but drool all over… Just give me my fucking drink.

Andy

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Emma, editor extraordinaire

A scientifical fact that I have just made up with my mighty robot powered brain is that there is a direct correlation between how much work I have to do and how much enthusiasm I have to do it. The more work I have, the more I want to do anything else other than the work. When things are quiet, I have oodles of it – I become a mass of “c’mon c’mon I can do THIS and I can earn THAT and I can edit THAT and write THIS if only if were right here in front of me” energy, powering through the universe on my Enthusias-o-matic 3000 scooter.

Until it is right in front of me and I morph into “beh, what’s TMZ pimping out today … that rubbish should be taken out … I need to stare at the wall for an hour or so, maybe … I wonder what would happen if dogs had thumbs …” energy. Or un-energy, which is probably more accurate.

Guess which form I am today?

One of my clients seems to regard me as a 24/7 on call ‘write shit out of thin air’ kind of resource. She just sent through something that needs to be done by last Friday for her son – an answer for an award he’s going for.

“What was the driving force that inspired you to start your own business?”

With two lines of answer. Consisting mostly of instructions like ‘can you fill this out a bit and expand it and maybe put a quote in that sums up my point’.

Two lines.

What point? I think you’ll find there’s no point. And expand what? The request to expand what’s not there? And if it was due last Friday, what the hell is the point of doing it today? And if you can’t answer it yourself, maybe you shouldn’t be entering the comp buddy.

There’s a blank space where the payment goes on these types of jobs. Because, obviously, I just love doing this so much that I was going to be writing an answer to an asinine question like that anyway today, just in case someone needed it answered.

What about this:

“I was motivated to start my own business by the lack of real jobs for people with qualifications like mine and I like working from home in my jammies and being able to fart about until 3 am before a deadline when I start typing madly with a twitchy eye.”

Oh wait, it’s why HE does, not me.

Maybe:

“I was motivated to start my own business by my inability to get another job and my insatiable greed and the example of my mother who runs a business without knowing or caring about the industry and rips people off by charging 80% on top of what her beautiful yet modest editor charges for her work. It looks so easy I thought hey, why not do it too.”

Hmm, perhaps too honest.

I don’t even know what his business is called, and only know it’s something to do with computers and data. And that he rides a motorbike and sometimes gets blond tips in his hair. I don’t think that’s the kind of info they want though.

The most annoying thing is that I can pull answers to asinine questions like this out of my arse. I don’t like to, but I can, and quite well – well enough to make people sound so flash they actually win these things, all along knowing that they are lies – damned lies – I’m writing.

It’s a bit like the press releases I write from time to time for the bumcake books I edit that shouldn’t really see the light of day. And yes, I’m an elitist, and yes, I would kick postmodernism’s no absolute truth reader response theories in the face with my energy legs too. Go the canon kids – it’s a canon for a reason.

But what’s a girl to do? It pays the bills, and I assuage my literary guilt by telling myself that everyone has a right to be published if they want to be and pay to be. I am there to make their books less bumcake-esque and if you saw the original you would see how much ‘better’ I inserted into it.

And by the way, all you people who conveniently ‘forget’ I worked on your book? Even though I’m right there at the launch, standing around being peered at by your friends and family with my fantastic hair? Even though you find the time to thank the printers, the illustrators, the typsetters and the project manager, and can’t include me WHO REWROTE YOUR BOOK FOR YOU SO YOU DIDN’T EMBARRASS YOURSELF WITH THE SORRY DRIBBLE YOU HAD WRITTEN, I’m fine with it. Really.

When people ask who I am and why I’m there, I tell them exactly who I am and what I did for the book.

Not really. I just smile and stuff my face with the free food and smile some more.

And then write rants about you behind your back while I add extra hours to your invoices.

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Amy, would rather watch “Hey Paula”

So, you see all this shit about Victoria Beckham on TV and the Internet? She’s the one who was “Posh Spice” in the Spice Girls (back in the day), married David Beckham, the soccer star…Well, they are giving her her own TV show, “Coming to America” and they’re blowing up the net with photos and media bullshit about her photo shoot….blah blah blah…….

Excuse me for a minute, but since when did anybody give a rat’s ass?? She’s just some snobby annoying 90’s pop singer who married into some money, and we’re supposed to be enthralled with her every move? I would rather listen to them talk about Lindsay Lohan’s rehab adventures or Pantyless Paris…..jeez…….

Rantasaurus Says: Actually, Amy, according to the very reliable news source, Us Weekly, that came in the mail yesterday, 39% of Americans care, okay?

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