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Archive for the ‘Gas’ Category

Oh hi there, Dearest Daddy and my darling step-mommy!

Remember how I’m putting myself through college? Like, that whole thing where I have scholarships and loans in my name? And I’m paying for my own car and insurance and cell bill and credit card and basically have been financially independent from anyone for the last three years?

Yeah, that’s pretty cool, huh. ? And I know you’re all proud of me and stuff. But, um, here’s the thing: yeah, when you promise to send me money because I have a business trip to NYC and would like a little extra doff to buy you presents and, y’know…eat? Or when I’m strapped for cash one semester and I’d like a simple hundy to get me through a month? Or, hey, when my *tooth breaks* and I’d like to go to a dentist to get it fixed, but I have no dental insurance and no money to take care of it and you’re all, “Why, of course we’ll send you money so that you can get through a simple meal without wondering if food is going to get stuck in your giant, chipped tooth hole and become abcessed, leading to having to have the tooth pulled and a root canal which we know you can’t afford!”

Yeah, when you promise me all the stuff and then you don’t follow through? Guess what that makes you: lying liars who lie. Do me a favor. Don’t promise it to me if you don’t have it. If you say “we don’t have the extra cash right now” for the love of God, I’ll understand (until you spend $700 for the step-kiddles to go to junior and sophomore prom, which is a rant of a different color).

In conclusion: don’t be surprised if I don’t come home for Christmas because I can’t afford gas.

All my love!

Schwa

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Tyrantasaurus, not looking to buy your stupid products

There’s a Shell station just down the street from me where I get my gas. It’s right by the freeway, super convenient, etc. etc. The one thing they did to royally screw me over was fradulently charge $100 on my credit card, but the transaction didn’t end up going through, so I was ready to let bygones be bygones.

Now they’ve done something else, and it’s unforgivable. Now they’ve put these cute little TV screens above the pump, so while I’m pumping my gas I have to listen to short ads from Jack in the Box, Shell itself and NBC, who are more than happy to share hilarious clips of their new lineup as I am their captive audience.

As far as I know, Shell is one of the only people to do this, but others can’t be far behind.

Yesterday, as I was cashing my tax return check (thank you, government!), my Bank of America ATM started hawking the Discovery Channel, of all things. Between screens, I had to listen to a flashy interstitial. Now, there are worse things to advertise than the Discovery Channel, who already has a lot of my TV-watching hours, but next time I go to the ATM it could be something more obnoxious.

Soon I’m going to have to watch spots for toothpaste while I’m tilted back in the dentist chair, ads for weight loss supplements piping in from my individual treadmil and cheerful formula commercials while I’m pushing a baby out of my crotch (by the time I get to that point in my life, that is).

What’s next? Anybody see any other ads in strange places?

Rantasaurus Says: I’m as big as a billboard, maybe I should start leasing myself out. If you see a dinosaur with a Geico banner on his side, you know where I got the idea…

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