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Archive for the ‘Jargon’ Category

Ashleigh, about to turn into Dr. Pain

So, I’m in a PhD program. Good for me and whatnot. I’m not a snob, I promise. However, there are a few things that I expect from academicians and they are NOT delivering. Really, it wouldn’t be so bad if it just wasn’t so completely relentless, but apparently when people find a word or phrase they like they just run it into the ground.

Examples:
One of my professors continually refers to his cutesy stories as “antidotes.” As if his bizarre and slow-going self-congratulatory tales were the only counteracting agents to, oh I don’t know, my impending rage blackouts.
Another uses “myriad” incorrectly (and profusely). As in “a myriad of…bizarre and slow-going self-congratulatory tales.” I mean, I’m no grammar whiz kid, but isn’t myriad supposed to be used like many?
Another uses “methodology” like it’s his favorite word…but where he should use “method” – I mean, we’re discussing a method, not the study of methods in general. Sure, methodology rolls nicely off the tongue…and sounds more important. But it’s just. the. wrong. word.

Point being – you’re a professor. Wrangle it in. Get the grammar in order.

Rantasaurus Says: It appears as though there are a myriad of reasons to joina PhD program. Making fun of stupid people is one of them.

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DarkPizza, maven of MySpace

Make sure to read to the bottom. I’m in a ranty mood.

————————————
“YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR UR NEXT 5 BIRTHDAYS! IF U DONT REPOST

JAN.- i`M A GANGSTA!!!!
FEB.- i AM A FUCKIN CUTIE
MAR.- iM A LOVER!!!!
APR.-iM SO FUCKABLE
MAY- I GIVE THE BEST SEX!!`
JUN.- I JUST WANNNA FUCK!!!
JUL.- SHUT UP & FUCK ME =)
AUG.- i’M A SEXi LiL FREAK
SEPT.- i’M A FLiRT!
OCT.- iM S0 FREAKIN iN LOVE
NOV.-DAMN I WANNA FUCK
DEC.- I’M SO DAMN FiNE
***Repost in 5 Min***”
——————————————————-

OH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE YOU. Nothing personal, but I HATE THESE WASTES OF FINGER ENERGY AND KEYBOARD LIFESPAN.

I know I probably sound like a hyporcrite right about now. BUT GUESS WHAT? The reason I repost them…is to see what fucking idiot will repost them next. And to laugh at them. That’s it. I do not claim to be anything but an idiot, but I will say this:

ANYONE WHO POSTS THIS HONESTLY, WITH NO SARCASM OR MORBID CURIOSITY, DESERVES TO BE STRUNG UP BY BARBED WIRE AND EVISCERATED.

If you don’t know what “eviscerated” or “sarcasm” means (and I have met people who haven’t, and they happen to be MEMBERS of MySpace, so don’t roll your eyes at me), look it up. I’m in way too shitty of a mood to explain it or dumb down my vocabulary for the more illiterate MySpace users. You know who you are.

To the brain-deficient MORON who originally wrote this: I hate you, and everything you stand for. You are one of those people who promotes shows like…I don’t even know what. You are a person that nobody loves, ever has loved, or will ever loved. The very thought that an actual human being was stupid enough to create this atrocity disgusts me.

And for that matter…LEARN TO FUCKING TYPE. “ur” is not a word. “Don’t” requires an apostrophe, the absence of which makes it a non-word, and therefore not appropriate to be used in civilized conversation, VIRTUAL OR OTHERWISE. “Gangsta” is not a word, and I highly doubt that everyone born in January is one. Actually, I know that the person who posted this a moment ago is NOT a “gangsta” and isn’t fooling anyone.

I could go on about every single one of the other months in this message, and if you would like me to, feel free to send me a message.

And anyone who believes in MySpace or other virtual “curses” and “bad luck chain mail” is a fucking idiot and deserves to be, as I stated before, strung up with barbed wire and eviscerated. If you’re just “covering your ass”–don’t. You’re wasting precious moments of your life. And we both know that you feel stupid every time you do it.

END THE MADNESS.

Rantasaurus Says: wtf, ur just jealous, dont h8 u biznatch

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Sam, gramatically insolent

I need to vent my strong distaste for something:

When people use the term “vaca” instead of “vacation”.  It’s one more goddamn syllable.  My ass cheeks clench every time I hear someone say it.

Rantasaurus Says: Actually, completely true story, I know a man who says “prosciutt” when referring to the Italian ham instead of “proscuitto,” which is one extra letter.

In college, I knew a man who said, routinely: “That’s so hein it makes me wanna commit su.” The words of course, are heinous and suicide.

Stay strong, Sam! It’s a jungle out there!

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Newspeak For the Weak

Rantoceros, actor/Cisco Systems Employee

The emotionless, power-hungry tyrants of America have created a
sanitized, overblown version of the English language devoted solely to the purpose of subverting the truth.

Rather than use words as the powerful tools they are, these corporate-driven greed merchants have taken to using our language as little more than stilts made of balsa wood, meant to prop up a facade driven solely by style over substance.

Case in point? Me, the Rantoceros.

Currently I work at Cisco Systems. Calm down, it’s not a position that allows me to afford health insurance. Hell, I can’t even afford a PS2 video game. No, I work in the front lobby of Building 16, answering phone calls, registering guests, and assisting Cisco employees.

There is a very simple word to describe my position here at Cisco: Reception.

I am a (male) receptionist and a damn good one. I work hard 40 hours a week, deliver outstanding customer service, and get to read as much New York Times on-line as I can handle. However, as I ably go about my daily activities I am plagued by a plaque in front of me that describes my position thusly: LOBBY AMBASSADOR.

Lobby Ambassador? Just who, exactly, am I trying to fool? I can not tell you how many guests look at this placard, look to me, and then say, “Lobby Ambassador, huh?” This only confirms what I know, in my heart, to be true: that attempting to make the word receptionist sound “good” by dubbing it, “Lobby Ambassador,” is actually MORE insulting the the position I fill here at Cisco.

There’s nothing wrong with being a receptionist. It is a lovely word, an honoroable job, and perfectly describes my function here. I recieve people, questions, and complaints. I don’t Ambassad anything! The only element of truth in the phrase “Lobby Ambassador” is the word ‘lobby.’ Everything else is a fallacy.

When will we realize that the neutered, power-driven language we’ve
made up for ourselves is, in truth, MORE insulting than the words we’ve left behind in the dust.

What happened to taking a dump in the bathroom? Now I have to ‘relieve myself by visiting the restroom.’ And while there, why can’t I use toilet paper? I feel guilty wiping my ass with all that expensive ‘bathroom tissue.’

“I doubt I’ll ever answer these questions,” I think to myself, as I stand up from the ‘Feces Ambassador.’

Rantasaurus Says: I know. I hate it when I have to represent myself as a Literary Ambassador. That’s better than Feces Ambassador, though. Any day.

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