Archive for the ‘Utilities’ Category

I am sick to death of AT&T and their ‘low prices’ on DSL! The SOB’s advertise it for 14.99 a month, but, low and behold, every single time I call to them to ask about it, the suckers ALWAYS say, “This is not available in your area.” ARG

I pay 39.99 for AT&T DSL. The SAME DSL they offer ‘new customers’ for 14.99 a month! What the hell’s the deal? I am sick to death of ‘new customers’ getting all the ‘deals’. And I am sick to death of being told the offer is ‘not available’ in my area. WTF? What area IS this DSL available in – Siberia? And why do people who have absolutely NO LOYALTY to the company get the good deals? GRRRRR

AT&T has me, though, and they know it. If I don’t use their DSL service, I have to use dial-up, because no one else offers DSL where I live. (I live 3/4 of a mile out of town and that’s too far!) They had better be glad, though, because if there WERE other services available, I’d tell them, “KISS MY WHITE ASS!!!!”

Boss Brat


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Dear Cell Phone Company,

In the next few days you will be receiving a package from me containing the
remnants of my cell phone. You see, I ran over it with my car today and
thought you would appreciate the pieces. Please feel free to place them in
whatever uncomfortable orifice you feel is most appropriate at the time.

At last, I’ve reached the frayed end of my very short patience with your lack
of competency in the technological advancement department. I realize that
my apartment is located over a direct portal to the underworld, but I should
not have to turn into a Verizon commercial every time I need to make a call.
I grow weary of having to stand in one particular corner of one particular
room, stand on one leg, raise my arm over my head, on the peak of the full
moon and keep the antenna at a 45 degree angle at all times. And now it is
not only my apartment, but the grocery store, the mall, the interstate, the
bar, and apparently the drycleaners.

People are beginning to talk about my screaming into the phone. “Do you think it’s turned on?” They whisper. “Perhaps we should call the police?” Is this your not so subtle way of
telling me that I should go back to a landline or that I talk on the phone
too much? That’s a little passive aggressive, if you ask me. My mother
would be proud of your tactics, but I’m not amused. So, since you find no
fault with your little piece of slave-labor-assembled, imported plastic and
mysterious alloy piece of crap I am returning it to you.

Don’t bother trying to reach me. I’m currently on the phone with Hell to arrange for a
better service plan.

Can You Hear Me?

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Dear AT&T,

I was just wondering if these “technical difficulties” your website AND your automated bill pay system are experiencing are just a ploy to get people to pay you more money. The past several times that I’ve tried to pay my bill online, your website has been down. “Temporarily Unavailable” my ass. I decide to dial *729 like you’ve told me to do in the past, in order to pay my bill on the phone. Oh guess what?! It’s temporarily unavailable as well. Imagine that.

I work funky shifts and I SWEAR to God every time I even think about going to pay my bill at a regular store it’s fucking closed. I don’t know if it’s the area I live in or what, but the damn thing is only open for 5 minutes a day. No matter what time I go to work, how early I get off, it’s ALWAYS closed. How am I supposed to give you my money? I really wish these technical difficulties meant that I didn’t have to pay my bill, but I’m sure you’ll still find a way to cut me off. And no, I’m not sending you a check. You’ll cut it off before it gets to you and charge me a $36 reconnection fee, and frankly I’m not down with that.

Speaking of which, thanks for cutting my phone off on my birthday last month because I was 2 days late, that was real sweet of you. I was starting to think all of my friends and family had forgotten about me. Way to ruin my birthday.

You know, AT&T, you’re real full of yourself. Ever since you merged with Cingular and got that shiny new iPhone, you just think you’re the shit. Well, screw you. I have better things to do with my money……..

Lucky for you I’m addicted to text messaging.

*sigh* Tiffany

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Rantsplosion Results!

We have your Rantsplosion winners!

Look at you, on the edge of your seat. In a last minute crowd decision, we have a winner!

Watch the video to see the top three runners compete… and who ends up winning. Rant text will be posted for your enjoyment tomorrow.

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Dear Comcast,

Wouldn’t your company save a lot of money by not sending a guy over to my house three times in two weeks? Plus, then you have to give me all these credits on my account and you have to compensate your customer service phone operators for the shrinks they have to go to for the post traumatic stress disorder they develop after I’m through with them…

Let’s just keep it simple. You make my Internet work. It’s not hard. Just make that juice flow, and I will stop building the atomic bomb that’s juuust big enough to take out your corporate headquarters.

A thought,


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Dear Comcast,

Let me ask you one, simple question: What the fuck is wrong with you? A follow up question: Is it mental retardation? How do I loathe thee, Comast? Let me count the ways.

1) I loathe you like a rich, old white guy hates a young, black man.

2) I loathe you like a triple amputee hates a flight of stairs.

3) I loathe you like feminists hate date rape.

4) I loathe you like dentists hate the English.

and finally…

5) I loathe you like Texas hates Indian food.

And all for one, simple reason. You, Comcast, are the worst company on planet Earth. You over-charge for an under-delivered product and treat your customers like an African-English amputee date rapist eating a plate of curried, halal beef. I declare a jihad on you Comcast, a jihad.


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First, our Rantsplosion winner, with a titilating cliffhanger, is RantyRex, one of our favorite contributors, and this is no exception. Stay tuned for “My Government Job Part 1.”

Our Emergency Contest winner, writing on the topic of “I Hate Comcast,” is, without a doubt, Rantoceros, with his opus, “How Do I Loathe Thee, Comcast?”

Thank you both very much for your submissions, and everybody else for participating. In the future we will actually have… you know… prizes, but we are working on super-exclusive t-shirts.

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